Sober gay dating
One Date At a Time
When I got sober I followed my 12-step sponsor’s advice and didn’t date for the first year.
I understood the suggestion that if you enter recovery in a relationship, stay in it unless it’s threatening your sobriety, and if you enter recovery single, rest that way. It made sense to me. There was no need to jump on the sentimental roller coaster of trying to meet new potential romantic partners and starting to date in the first year.
Then came my sober anniversary and I was officially let loose into the wilds of dating. I was terrified. At the end of my using, I couldn’t even take my parch cleaning across the highway without a drink. How was I supposed to go on a date?
I worked with my sponsor and approached dating with three key 12-step principles:
Rigorous honesty.
No, this did not mean that I had to announce to every guy I went out with that I was in recovery. Getting sober is an extremely personal decision and I didn’t think I had to share it with everyone I met for coffee. A simple “I’m not drinking tonight” is completely straightforward. If someone reacted poorly, it was a fine indication that they might not be right for me.
First things first.
Li
Last updated on July 22nd, 2021 at 06:21 pm
Dear Dr. Frankie,
I’m 2 yrs sober and I’ve been single for almost the same amount of second. If I’m to shun alcohol type situations how can I meet lesbians without going to the clubs I used to go to?
-Sober
Dear Sober,
I would do some research online and find lesbian events that occur outside of the club scene. Depending on where you survive you can find singles events that include activities such as hiking, rock climbing, snowboarding, skiing and bike riding. You may also be able to find a speed dating website event that is held at a venue without alcohol. When placing your profile for online digital dating, emphasize wanting a match that who enjoys socializing outside of a bar. There are many women who don’t care for that scene and are looking for someone who feels similarly. You may also want to think about volunteering at your local LGBT Center and/or host a social gathering or activity with your sober lesbian friends (having them bring their friends) to meet new people and prove to yourself you can meet women in a new (non triggering) environment.
Gay & Sober: 5 Ways To Construct LGBTQ Community That Don’t Involve Bars
Making friends as an LGBTQ person isn’t always easy. For much of history, being out meant risking everything, disappearing few safe spaces to connect. That’s why gay bars became a cornerstone of queer social life—a legacy that continues today.
But for those who are sober, this can be isolating. It’s also concerning given that LGBTQ people are more likely to struggle with alcohol use than other populations.
Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to assemble LGBTQ community without relying on bars. Here are seven great options.
1. Social Media
Social media is one of the easiest ways to connect with other LGBTQ people. Here’s how to come across community on alternative platforms:
- Facebook – Find “LGBTQ” + [Your City] or “Queer Exchange” + [Your City] to come across local groups. You can also look for for LGBTQ groups based on specific hobbies or interests. Engaging with posts and comments is a great way to start conversations.
- Instagram – Follow LGBTQ-related hashtags, engage with posts, and respond to stories to start building connections.
- TikTok – Use the Discover tool to find LGBTQ content, comment on videos,
Finding companionship as a gay person in recovery hasn’t been easy, but it’s well worth the effort
By Veronica L. Holyfield
Sober dating is weird. It’s almost as simple as that. Yet nothing is ever that simple, and my history with alcohol, dating and my queer identity is a knotted and fraught ball of intricate complexities.
I came out as a person with a drinking problem at age 21, I came out as a lesbian at 26, and I finally came out as a full-blown alcoholic at 34. As a late-blooming queer in recovery, I had used alcohol to cope with so many major life events prior to sympathetic my sexuality. Coming into my culture was no different; I had grown accustomed to drinking in order to feel more relaxed, and since I had a lot of fear around the thought of dating women, I drank even more.
I wondered if women would like me, I worried that my family would reject me, I was scared that I wouldn’t be good at connection, and I was nervous about approaching the gender to which I was truly attracted. Drinking made all those fears and insecurities a lot quieter, and since so many LGBTQ interactions take place in gay bars, I became simultaneously intoxicated
Dating is one of the most challenging parts of being a human. Conclusion the right person, who can be your finest friend and soulmate, admire you through your flaws, and comfort you at your lowest points, is no easy feat.
And some would say that sober dating adds a whole different kind of accentuate to the dating scene because, for many, alcohol and other substances are a way to alleviate the stress that comes with meeting new people.
Think about it. First dates or even first encounters happen at bars, restaurants, or parties where alcohol is present. Alcohol is a substance that will lower your inhibitions and make it easier to relax and chat with people.
You can sometimes feel more outgoing and forward when using substances to talk to new people, so when you hold it out of the equation, it’s like study to socialize all over again as a recent person.
What Should I Maintain in Mind When Matchmaking app Sober?
Dating someone when you are sober, and they are not, can sometimes be difficult, and if your partner is not understanding of the way substances impact your animation, you might find it is not a fantastic fit.
Of course, some people are incredibly open and careful to learn the proper ways to assist